Common Partner Betrayal Symptoms
Many people call for an appointment after discovering that their partner has had an emotional or physical affair. Sometimes individuals want support for their own mental health. Other times, couples are wondering how they heal together. In either case, knowing the common symptoms of partner betrayal can be helpful.
Partner betrayal, much like any relational betrayal, can mimic post-traumatic stress. Because a relational rupture is extremely painful, many people experience many of the following symptoms:
Intrusive thoughts or images
Hypervigilance (especially around things that may be related to betrayal - the phone, time away from the home, travel, late nights, etc)
Numbness or denial (your body and brain’s way of shutting down the pain)
Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
Relational conflict or disconnect
Difficulty trusting partner or difficulty trusting future partners
If you or a loved one are experiencing some of the above symptoms, working through betrayal with the help of an individual or couples therapist can be beneficial. If you and your therapist determine that you have significant levels of trauma, trauma-informed therapy can be very helpful (EMDR or other Body-Based forms of therapy are recommended).
If you and your partner are committed to working through the betrayal, a couples therapist who is both trauma-informed and skilled at helping a couple work through the pain of an affair is best.
Tips for the Partner Who Has Been Betrayed:
Gather care and support for yourself as you heal (friends, therapist, supportive family)
Listen to your own voice and work on expressing it
Practice making healthy emotional and relational requests after identifying what you need
Recognize you have been through something traumatic and pursue healing from the trauma
Learn to recognize the signs that your partner is either trustworthy or not and make decisions regarding the future of the relationship based on health in the relationship
Know your story as a couple and have an understanding of why and how the affair happened
Tips for the Partner Who Has Done the Betraying:
Work through the reasons the betrayal started and/or continued and determine your level of commitment to your partner
Consider individual emotional or relational concerns that may have contributed to the behavior
Work on identifying and expressing your needs in a healthy way
Own the hurt and pain that your behavior caused your partner
Be patient with your partner. Try not to evaluate your partner’s healing through a lens of “how much time has passed” but rather a lens of improvements in emotions, behaviors, and communication in the relationship based on your own changes.
Our couples therapists can help you sort out what you might need individually or as a couple. Whether you decide to stay together or not, therapy can be a valuable part of your healing process.
This Post Written By:
Roxane Thorstad, PsyD – Journeys Counseling Center
6516 S. Rural Road, Suite 101
Tempe, Arizona 85283
Phone: (480) 656-0500
Email: roxane@journeyscounselingaz.com
